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mermaid88


If Books Were Movies...

They'd have to kick me out of the theater.


there's been several things I said to myself "oh i should lj about this" and just, didn't, and I've
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88
...forgotten about them by now, but I still thought I should lj even if just to let the lj mods know I still go here, lol.

So. Still jobless. Still getting told to "sit my skinny ass down and shut up" by my grandma. Mom's still acting like herself (me: [tells her i'm broke]  mom: go buy a jug of milk  me: [stares off into the distance]). Still ready for Fall/winter although I'm broke so I don't know what I'm doing for christmas gifts this year. Today's the first day since Fall started that it actually feels like it could be Fall; it's stupid windy outside, so even if the temp goes up we can't open the windows for real air unless we want a wind tunnel. BUT because of the wind, it's about 15F degrees cooler than predicted. So that's nice.

"i didn't get the job" and other stories
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mermaid88

nor did i get any of the other jobs i put applications in at. My thought is that they'd much rather have a 16yo who just got their first summer job this year, rather than me, a 30yo with no experience whatsoever (where I was before doesn't count because I quit, and there's no way to spin that in a good way). There's plenty of businesses in my small area, but I'm running out of places to apply to because only a few are actually hiring, and they all rejected me. And yet. The same places that told me NO, still have more of the same position available. I'm really discouraged by this; I'm beginning to feel like "why bother", because my dad apparently thinks even if I got a job I won't keep it, and even if my parents DO leave me a house/car/whatever when they pass, I won't be able to keep that, because I won't have any money because I won't have a job because no one will want a 50yo with no experience. I had a really good cry about this last night, and I went to bed early. I had planned on staying in my room moping about it all day but this morning I tried to do the whole "it's a new day let's start fresh", but now I'm almost back in that same hole as last night cause now there's nowhere else in my area to apply to.

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feelin' "fall" as frick right now!
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mermaid88
In order of importance, not chronologically:
1) THE HOUSE GUESTS ARE GONE. they left two weeks into August.
2) I had a job interview today!!!! hopefully all goes well.
3) My birthday went well, I got a hundred dollars from my parents, a "it's my birthday!!" badge from grandma, and some nail polish and a purse from the lady that had moved in with us.
4) I'm ready for Fall. I had my Official First pumpkin spice latte Saturday morning. It tasted like cooler weather and insects gone hibernating. Quaker has pumpkin spice oatmeal, there's pumpkin spice and apple spice granola bars. And I'm trawling through Fall tumblrs.
5) I can braid my own hair, up, now. I've wanted to be able to do this for a long time, because I'd seen some youtube tutorial where a girl french braided her hair up instead of down like normal. But I forgot what you do when you get to the end, cause I imagine with long hair you can probaly just leave the rest hanging in a ponytail, but with my short, coarse hair, not so much.

things are looking up (birthday-wise)
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mermaid88
Usually every year is people asking what I'm going to do and I have no real answer for them because my parents don't do parties anymore and I had a lack of people to do things I'd like to do with, so I usually wind up wearing a party hat and eat cake and ice cream (which is alright, i like cake and ice cream) with my family.
THIS YEAR IS DIFFERENT! my Friend that I hang out with at church wants to take me out for Wing Stop and my mom gifted me tickets to see Spider-Man: Homecoming. Also there's going to be the usual cake and ice cream while wearing party hats that make us look ridiculous. This is the most Plans I've had in awhile, and I'm psyched.

Update to talk I had with my parents
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mermaid88
well I couldn't say I didn't see it coming, but they denied having ANY involvement in me not working. My mother says I'm not working/driving/being independent because I don't pray and read the Bible enough. But the catch is, that it's "not enough" for her. So going by her standards, I could be a world-renowned televangelist and everyone loves me, and she'd still say I don't read the Bible and pray enough. So I've taken a sort-of sarcastic response to things; since they're not part of the problem, then there should be no problems with me getting back and forth to work once I start. :sarcastic smile: (But I am still trying to be considerate, as I'm still applying to jobs within our small area of town. So my list of "places to apply that I haven't before" is getting smaller. But then again, there's only two places that I actually got responses from that I didn't reply back to myself because it was right during the time my parents told me they'd be no help.)
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work, transport, therapy, people that mom moved in with us
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mermaid88
First, a bit of news on the work/transportation front:
last week, the idea had been floating around in my head that maybe I should take my parents' reasons why I'm not working/looking for work and bring them up to my parents like they're worries that I came up with myself. For example, dad said he won't take me/pick me up because he didn't like waiting. But so I'm not giving them room to deny he ever said that, I say instead something like "I want to start looking for work again, but I'm worried that there's going to be days when dad's not feeling well enough to be up to drive". Or, more legit, mom's sciatica, or that she's taking care of my grandma; so I'd say something like "[previous sentence, but add on]...but I'm worried that mom's leg will act up, or grandma will need her right at the time I'm supposed to be leaving/she's supposed to pick me up." Basically the most important thing is to make sure I'm NOT saying they said ANYthing, because they will deny that they said it and then berate me for "lying" and saying they said that. ANYway. I had a session with my therapist the other day, and she thinks it's an idea worth trying. So now I've got low-key anxiety over actually bringing it up. When, and how. How do I separate myself from it enough so that when they do talk about it to each other (cause that's a given no matter what), it doesn't hurt because I can remember it's not really a real concern of mine.

Forgot what the other thing was for a minute but I remember now (the lady and her two kids mom moved in with us):
They haven't been here overnight for the past two weeks. She's been away, paying it forward; a couple of her friends are also moving, and she's been gone the whole time presumably helping them pack and transport. Which is a relief. But we never know when she's coming back, so everything has to stay the same like they're still here. So I still have all my personal bathroom stuff in my room, their bed is still made up in the other bedroom (using my mattress), and mom still has a lot of things in the upstair hallway stacked up in front of the mattress that was supposed to go in my room at some point, so I'm still sleeping on a boxspring with 2 blankets on it so it's not so hard. 
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(no subject)
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mermaid88
my mom is pissing me off. she's making bad decisisons, but they don;t really affect her so she's okay. but it affects me. there's a lady from church that got evicted cause the people that used to live in the apartment she was in wanted to move back in. So mom invited her (and her two granddaughters) to move in with us. First problem: she already told the woman she could, before even consulting my dad. Second: my dad thought it was a bad idea when mom brought it up to him, but she went on and did it anyways. Also: there's no room here. Mom has them all in one bedroom. I kept bringing up the fact that she's trying to take care of my grandma and that I think she's overdoing it, but she kept ignoring me and replying with all the stuff she's going to do to make it work. Which was shove it off on me. They all use the same bathroom as me, so I'm cleaning up behind them and providing towels and washcloths because "it's my bathroom and they're guests". The bed in the guest room is the same size as mine (full), so that makes me responsible for provididng them with sheets and blankets, making up their bed, and doing the laundry to make sure I have enough clean sheets to share with them. The lady's kids like me, so they always want to hang out with me, so since I'm older that makes me responsible for them (they don't listen). They ALL (including my parents and grandma!!!) come to ME for some reason whenever they want something, they come to me for questions, and everyone wants their question or request done RIGHT NOW. So I've got 6 people with 40 different requests and if I say no to any of it or look like I'm getting frustrated my mom takes it as having "attitude". I hate it but like I said, mom has no problem because none of this is really affecting her. She's not responsible for anything. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow but the receptionist told me that I only have a couple appointments left that my insurance is paying for.

Also, mom and I had a fight over this yesterday. I tried to tell her all of this, but all she heard was backtalk, so she started yelling for me to shutup and let her talk. Well, she's so controlling that that's all anyone EVER does, listen to her. But she didn't care, she just said "THEN SHUT UP AND KEEP DOING IT." That's not how you treat anyone but that's what she does; start shit and then get mad that the person isn't just taking it. So I went to my room and stayed there for the rest of the day, but it made me angry every time I heard her laughing or being happy about something. Now today I don't want anything to do with her but if I do go out there I have to put on a show and pretend to be happy in front of the guests. I can't tell any of this to dad or the woman because they'll go back and tell mom and she'd just deny that she ever said what she did, and then mom and dad will sit around when they think I can't hear them and mock me; they've done it before. And because the woman pretty much behaves the same way with her grandkids, she'd just guilt me "oh your mother does soooo much for you and you treat her like this," blah blah blah.
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quick update before dinner:
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mermaid88
I FOUND MY SWIMSUIT!!!!!
I'd bought it as a mix and match set back in 2013, and after only a few weeks, the washing machine chewed up the top. Of course by that time, it was no longer in any stores, and I never gave it a thought about looking online. So I just gave it up and bought a new one that was clearly inferior, awesomness-wise. Back when I started working I restarted the search, since I had funds to buy it online, but none of the ways I could think of to describe it to type into google came up with it. it was the weirdest thing; I have absolutely NO pictures of myself wearing it, I couldn't remember the brand name that made it, all I could remember was what it looked like. But I absolutely COULD NOT find pictures of it anywhere online. It was as though it never existed! So I quit again. For some reason, I decided to start the search again last night, to no result. But today, MAGIC. I google-image'd it, and bam. it was the first picture. Then somehow, every kind of description I typed in, it kept coming up with my suit as the first or second result!
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And in other news, the Superbloom is kicking my butt.
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mermaid88
I've taken an Alavert everyday for the past few days but I don't want to be stingy cause they're not really mine, so I'm just dealing with all the sneezing and runny nose and stuff. I'm tired, but I stayed in bed til around 10 today. I heard on the news that peppermint tea is good for allergies so I just had a cup of that and now I'm hoping that I feel okay (at LEAST okay!) for the rest of the day.
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trying to catch up in the MC(movie)U
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mermaid88
So I've only seen the avenger movies up to Iron Man 3. That's because I've either rented them or saw them on the big screen. I've got Avengers Assemble on my iPod, but that's it. I'm hesitant to watch them on tv, because I know they cut scenes in order to air the movie in the time allotted. But lately most of the avenger fanfic I read has been going over the events in CA:WS. So now I half-want to see it so I know what really happened vs the authors' AU of events, and half-just have to know what happened if I don't want to get movie-spoiled. I kinda have a basic idea of things, but am missing exact details.Well, that and on my Tuesday (tuesday is my day to dress/feel badass and Get Shit Done) I listened to the movie's soundtrack. Now I've got the Bucky Barnes YAAAAS thing going (about 3 or 4 years late).
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