marvel, agent carter

mermaid88


If Books Were Movies...

They'd have to kick me out of the theater.


(no subject)
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88
1) So I'm over the cold. It turned out to be some another kind of virus, so they gave me cough medicine and an antibacterial med. Then like I said, I got better...just in time for my period to come and harass me. Not full-on PAIN like it used to be, but there's been cramps as though just to let me know they're there. (I SEE YOU CRAMPS! (in my leslie jones car commercial voice))

2) so far, nothing again on the job front. I'm starting to explore outside our tiny town that dares call itself a city, but I'm concerned about whether or not my parents will be willing to take me if I get one of the further out ones. But then again, if I keep my search to "local", then I'm just spinning my wheels applying to the same 12 places again and again, only to hear "oh, we're not hiring right now" or "oh, we just hired people, but we'll keep you in mind." over and over again.

3) "Tomorrow" came for us Nintendo fans; I watched the premiere for the Switch. It was fun, I've never been interested in being part of watching live reveal stuff before.

4) I keep seeing the trailer for Beauty and the Beast; my interest has gone down to just "kinda". I find myself more curious about how closely they matched it with the animated film, more than wanting to watch it for its own merits. But the live action ballroom scene still slays me.

5)I saw Hidden Figures! awesome movie. I also saw Fences;

6) so...anybody else feel like in, which was it, X-2? when it showed that it was really one of the shapeshifting mutants in the White House posing as (I don't remember who; was it supposed to be a replacement for the politician that Magneto kidnapped in X-1, and tested the DNA-altering machine on him and he displayed mutating ablilities and then washed up on the beach and pretty much dissolved into water)?

7) I'm doing Days. You know how on Buzzfeed, there's like "I dressed goth/hipster/preppy/girly/tomboyish for a week and here's what happened"? Monday is my girly day; I wear my more girly outfits (so not just pink and skirts), use my Pink Chiffon lotion (cause it's the most girly smell in the world) and wear glitter in my hair. Tuesday is my day to dress like a spy or very toned down rockstar (which I recently discovered is my actual "style"). I fauxhawk my hair, put glitter in it, wear my more badass earrings (lightning bolts, pirate skulls, or safety pins). This is also the day I usually Get Shit Done, cause I feel like a Boss. Wednesday is 80s day, because that's the day The Americans comes on FX and The Goldbergs comes on channel 7 (they're both shows that take place in the 80s). Again with the glittery fauxhawk, or if my hair cooperates I'll put it in a banana comb. I listen to my "Flynn's Arcade mix" playlist on my ipod, or listen to the classic rock station on my cd player's radio. This is the day I look up new Tron fanfic, and hit up Tronblr. (btw: did anyone ever make an AU of what would've happened if Zuse really had helped Sam get to the portal?) Thursday is 90s day. No tv shows to include, but it's the day I dress like I did growing up in the 90s. So that means pastels or primary colors, and listening to my 90s playlist. Friday is Buffalo Day. I'm originally from the 716, so that's my day to represent, lol. I'll wear my Cheektowaga t-shirt, and drink out of my Tim Hortons mug. I'm trying to get my sister to send me a One Buffalo shirt to replace the Cheektowaga one, cause I've had that one since I was about 10 years old (I'm short and I grew slow). Weekends are for whatever the heck I feel like throwing on, whether it's part of the Days or not.

alright, let's do catchup:
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88
1) I lost my job. well, I quit. It wasn't them, it was me.

2) I finally got together with Friend! a couple weeks ago.

3) Grandma's getting a little worse. I think I can tell by facial expression; what I noticed is she's got this STAREDOWN look at what/whoever catches her eye like it personally offended her, but she's got dark eyes so it's like having a creepy doll staring at you. I'm already sensitive to being stared at from being bullied in elementary school, so this makes me want to scream or avoid her.

4) I have another cold. It's been here since Friday night. I'd had a sore throat, and when I came upstairs, I laid down for a moment and wound up going to sleep. Then from Saturday--on, it's been coughing, congestion, tiredness, the works. 

happy election day, US flisters!
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88
as a surprise, my uncle came to visit; he was supposed to come a couple weeks ago to be here for my grandma's birthday but then Things happened and he had to postpone. I'm glad he was able to still come;

on the other hand, we're in a streak of me not being able to do anything right; but they all keep asking me to do things. it's almost as if they're setting me up.

i had a breakdown halloween weekend; it was bad, i asked my parents to take me to the ER. now I'm on anxiety meds in addition to my antidepressants/ADHD meds.

i'm excited for the holidays, but i'm not in that "perfect" holiday mood; i mean, i'm buying gifts, but i don't have that "hard-on" (so to speak) for it yet. 

say whaaaaaat?! two entries in a month?!
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88

work: I start cash register training on Monday! I'm kinda nervous; I know I won't be very fast (efficient), but there's also quality (making sure I do things correctly). I've gotten "reminders" about things almost every day I've worked in the back, so far, so on one hand, maybe they're moving me to see if I do any better somewhere else. On the other hand, it's almost a step up. We also have a few things that fit our house's color theme this year (turquoise, gold and silver again), so I bought some at the end of my shift.

Seasonal: I went present shopping! for myself, I got a clock radio that has an iPod dock on top. It was only like, $11-something at the drugstore, because it's for the older generation of iPods (with the wide plug in spot), but that's what I've got (a gen 3 or 4).
Then for my nephew who's 3, I got 4 books that I liked when I was little (pretty much EVERYONE liked these): "If you give a mouse a cookie", "The monster at the end of this book (starring Grover)", "Corduroy" (dang that's hard to spell!), and for when he's a little older, "Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs".
I plan on getting more cool wrapping paper this year (maybe Avengers themed).

Song currently being played on repeat on my iPod: "A View to a Kill" by Duran Duran, from the James Bond movie with the same title.


fall stuff
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88
Seasonal: as it gets closer to the holiday season, my excitement ramps up more and more. I bought a bottle of pumpkin spice coffee flavoring, I have apple cider, I've started listening to christmas megalists on 8tracks, our church is asking for candy for the halloween party. I'm all set.
work: you never realize how little of a certain thing you have, until it's mandatory to use it. I had very little dark blue. Now I've made sure to have enough so I don't have to wear the same shirt twice in a week.

Happy first day of fall!!!
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88
first, I'd like to say that I surprised myself; I've been here (on lj) in the time between my last post and now. so i haven't completely abandoned the place :)

work is doing okay; I'm still making stupid mistakes because I'm new to working, but I don't have that "oh shit they're going to fire me" line of thought every time.

I saw the Beauty and the Beast trailer; well done! seeing the unused ballroom, combined with the "beauty and the beast" tune playing gave me Feels. I watched the trailer like 10 times.
ALSO: has anyone else seen the trailer for Journey to the Past: Anastasia on Broadway!!!! that movie is my JAM and I fully intend on seeing the broadway production of it. 

life update:
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88

  • either pigs just flew, hell froze over, or someone said "over [their] dead body". wonder of wonders, i got a job. but not for long; I've been there part-time for a month now, and there's always something I need correcting on. Most of it was little stuff (but i know little things add up!), but last week was big: i lost a customer's proof-of-purchase for some things they'd had on hold. the day they came to take the stuff off Hold, they'd done some additional shopping, so I was supposed to hang on to the Holding stuff til they got done. but when they came back, i'd lost their proof-of -purchase. I had to call my manager, who told me that the other manager would want to talk to me about this. also the customer kept asking what the store was going to do to make it up to her. So i'm probaly about to be fired. :(

  • grandma had a mini stroke 3 days ago. it had been a really busy day, so dad thinks she over-tired herself out. the symptoms started at home, so we called 911 and the ambulance came to take her to the hospital, where they kept her overnight twice. from what i read, mini strokes are like warning signs that a full-on stroke may be coming, so she has to take it easy now, and we aren't doing as much errand running with her in the car as usual (she likes going out, so even if it's just running errands, she'll come too).

  • I had Plans(!!!) to hang out with a friend last week! but they fell through; we live far enough apart that the plan was for mom to drop me off at Friend's house, and Friend would bring me home. that way, neither of them would burn too much gas going back and forth several times in both directions. the day we were going to get together, mom suddenly asks me to ask Friend to pick me up AND drop me off; i'd offer to help pay for gas. but Friend is really really nice and didn't want me to have to pay for gas, so she said maybe we'd have to hang out another day. Then my mom says that if that's the only thing keeping us from getting together, then she guesses she can still take me. so the plans change AGAIN. By this point, it's after 4pm; i'm fairly sure what really happened is that she got tired of my mom's jerking her around about our plans, because then my friend messaged me that we needed to reschedule, because she didn't feel well.


help? looking for an old fanfic I want to reread:
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88
i read it on ao3 a long while back; it was set after Avengers; Loki had been banished to earth so he lives in Stark/Avengers Tower. The avengers decide to make him do community service, so Clint drops him off and picks him up from the place (can't remember if it's a soup kitchen or an orphanage) everyday. There's a few scenes of Loki and a bunch of kids, they're making forts or friendship bracelets or something. Back at the Tower, they also make Loki participate in team activities like dinners and stuff, but he's still got some of his seidr, so a lot of the time, instead of going to the team stuff himself, he hides in his room and sends one of his clones to do it for him. if anyone thinks they know what fic i'm talking about please pm me!

its late, i'm tired, and bored, and ticked off.
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88

  1. i redid windows 10; comes with its own brand new set of problems.

  2. i had a job interview and (obviously) didn't get the job. "that's okay, that's experience," everyone says. Yeah, well i've had almost 7 years of experience now; almost 10 years if you start counting at the year i graduated high school. i should be so experienced right now, all someone has to do is LOOK at me and already know, "wow, she's got experience with interviews" and then hire me on the freaking spot. i'm considering giving up and doing what my dad says when he's talking about me with mom (and they don't think i can hear them)-- call that lawyer on tv and try to get Social Security/Disability (if i can even do THAT). all i know is, that it doesn't look like i'll be becoming a participating member of society any time soon, if ever. and then i'll be another story for my parents to talk about: "oh, she had so much going for her, she should've/could've done SO MUCH but she didn't. what a waste of potential. blah blah blah." so much going for me? like what? i'm almost 30 years old and never held a paying job in my LIFE, never even got past an interview. not even Burger King wanted me. what does that say about a person; that HIGH SCHOOLERS have more to offer than me at life? people are 10-15 years younger than me and already ahead of me when it comes to making a viable living for themselves. at this point i don't know why i should even try anymore. just sit in my room at home until my parents get old and die and then be homeless. and then i'll probaly die or wind up in some shitty situation and WANT to die because i won't know how to hack it out in the world. i hate everything and wasting space in my parents' house and the world i want to go back to being 5 because least then i didn't know any better about anything


My family is useless.
marvel, agent carter
mermaid88
So, update: my grandma lives with us now. I've noticed she has a lot of qualities similar to a 2 year old. She can't be left alone, so my parents have been dumping her on me. Just, whatever appointments or etc I have written on the calendar, for the past 2 weeks I've had to all of a sudden cancel them because apparently I'm the only one that can watch her. Once, they didnt even ask; they just left before I woke up and left me to watch her.

She eats every couple hours. I don't know if she's actually hungry, or if she can't remember if she ate or not so her brain tells her stomach that she didnt. Also, she's a copycat. Whatever you have to eat, she wants it too. And if you're not fast enough to get her her own plate, she'll reach her (sneezed into, spat food into) hands into your plate and take some. And she always needs something else: a paper towel, more of whatever she's drinking, crackers; so there's no point in trying to eat at the same time as her because by the time you're done helping her your food's gonna be cold. So I wait until she falls asleep. Which isn't for long, maybe about half an hour. Then she wants a snack. Or is coughing (mouth open) a lot and needs you to pour a cup of water. For the 39th time, cause she drains drinks down like she's been in the desert for the past six years. A couple days ago, all I ate all day was a ton of those mini Twix bars, and half a cup of coffee.

Mom claims she wants HELP. But she acts like she wants someone else to take over EVERYTHING for her. My dad is no help; he's almost as helpless as grandma; when we're all in the same room, and grandma asks for something, he looks at me, like I'm the only one in the whole freaking house that can do anything. And then of course mom and dad are reaping the benefits form it too; if I'm fixing grandma some food then I'm fixing enough for them too.

But the only thing mom has to say to me is complaints about what I did and didn't do. If it's not about grandma, it's a complaint. All I've gotten from her today: "I washed the dishes so I'm sure the very least you can do is put them away." "Why'd you do THAT to your hair?" "You know the blender cup needs to be washed NOW." (Grandma had already asked me to do something for HER, so I was doing that, but that wasnt good enough so she said "did you hear me? Why are you still standing there?" "If you don't get those few little dishes out of the sink, they'll pile up and NO ONE will want to wash them" (note: 99% of the time, I'm the one getting told to wash the 'few little dishes', no matter how many there are) "go fix dinner". I go to the bathroom for two minutes; "how long have the fish been in? Are they ready?" (I heard the oven beep, indicating it had gotten up to temperature, while she was down in the kitchen; so I asked how long it'd been since it beeped. She says:) "I don't know, I wasn't paying attention, I was talking to Mother." Never mind I'm expected to practically be psychic about things she asks ME.

Just now. She went on a ten minute monologue that would make a supervillain jealous, about my hair again. I got a texturizer (like a perm, but instead of completely straightening your hair it leaves it wavy) at the salon yesterday. With a perm, I can make my hair kinda do the Dorothy Hamil hairdo. I knew that today I'd be stuck at home with grandma, so while my parents were out I decided to see if I could make my hair do that even with the texturizer in. (Note: it does! Yay!) So now mom saw it and is deeply offended (as though I did it specifically because I wanted to upset her!) and keeps telling me that if I wanted it straight then I should've told the lady that did my hair (completely ignoring that I told mom that I WANTED TO SEE IF IT WOULD WORK LIKE THAT EVEN WITH THE TEXTURIZER IN IT), and that I just wasted her and dad's money (I know for a damn well fact that if I wash my hair, it will go back to being curly. All I did was brush it and put it in rollers overnight). But because she needs to have her way in everything and have the last word on any topic, that's not enough. Nothing is enough. More 'encouragement': "Next time you do that I hope you have your own job and your own money" (yeah that's not ever happening if we keep going the way we are; one of those appointments I had to cancel was with a job coach. When I called her to cancel she told me that if I'm going to have to keep canceling then she's going to have to close my case. So then I'll be fucked, cause clearly I can't get a job on my own, so when my parents die then I'll be homeless.) if anybody's doing anything deliberately it's them! They made me quit dance class because "she's tired of taking me to practice". My therapist thinks I've been doing well lately so she's about to transfer me out of therapy. Those are literally the only two things I do outside of the house on my own. Once the therapy's done, I'll have absolutely no social life. Maybe that's what they want; if I have no social life and no job then they've got someone permenantly available to sit home and watch grandma so they can go out and have lives.
So dad just came home and of course he's taking her side (because of course there's no such thing as a parent being wrong). Also I know she's twisting my words to sound like the worst thing in the world.

Please help me not give a damn anymore. I don't want to, but it's still getting to me. Not just this situation about my stupid hair; everything.


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